today is Midsummer Day…

scan0018 Robin and I would plan a feast and invite friends to share.

One year we dressed in medieval costumes (with a Shakespearian flare)

ate chicken on trenchers of bread and drank mead.

We had a small talent show, and then went for a late night swim.

Several years ago, I organized a party and put up tents in my backyard- ostensibly as a graduation party for Jordan- but it was really for Midsummer.

This year, I made knotty rolls with anisette on top.

midsummer 001 midsummer 002 midsummer 003                Frank won’t let me have a bonfire.

My birthday is this weekend so I can’t REALLY have another party.

But – I love Midsummer Day or St. John’s Day.

I’m going to light a WHOLE lot of candles on the deck and pretend it is a bonfire.

This is what happens when your childhood companions die young.

You are left with desires for the past that others just don’t understand.

scan0016 scan0017

Happy Midsummer Day- Past and Present from Puck, Ophelia, the Lady of the Manor and the crone.  

Thoughts before my 56th birthday…………….

Last week I had two phone conversations that made me think.

(Actually -MOST conversations make me think- at least a little! 🙂 )

One was with the nurse from my diabetic management team.  They call every couple of months just to see if I am still here- ask me a bunch of questions that they want yes or no answers to, and generally waste my time.  But – they do get me free testing supplies and needles- so I put up with the inconvenience.  One question they ALWAYS ask is – am I depressed?  Has my depression caused me to miss out  on business or social activities?  Have I been diagnosed as in a state of depression?  I realize that there are three questions there, but they add up to one. 1+1+1=1  Am I depressed?

no.

well, maybe, since you keep asking.

Conversation #2 was with my brother. 

He is depressed.  Or as he describes it- down.

We talked- we laughed- we commiserated with each other’s troubles- and then he asked- ” Has your life turned out the way you thought it would?”

no.

or, maybe?

I’m not sure I thought that much about a finished life.  Like how it would turn out.  I just lived it, trying to do the best thing, attempting to follow God’s leading- looking for ways to do that which was right and good.  Loving, trusting, obeying, following, believing, teaching, upholding, giving, taking, reading….

I made a lot of mistakes.  I did a lot of things right. 

I didn’t have a master plan- I just did what came next to the best of my ability and understanding.

I’m not depressed.  I am pollyanna.

I think happy thoughts and search out joy filled moments. 

And I escape harsh reality in flights into literature.

And my life is,… well, my life is my life.

I’ve lived every moment of it- experienced joy and sorrow, success and failure, lost and found- it has added up to the grand total of me.

1+1+1+1+1=1 

My math skills are depressed.

We aren’t done playing yet!

Chincoteague May-day5 006

When Robin was alive, we would plan our summer in May.

Picnics, garden parties, teas, family celebrations, Midsummer’s extravaganza’s-

we would plot, plan and scheme, bouncing ideas and themes off of each other and fill notebooks with recipes and sketches of decorations. 

And when we weren’t planning a happening we found happenings to attend.

Our children played down at the creek, digging up the clay, floating down lazily in makeshift boats, fishing or searching for crayfish.  They were muddy and wet and so intense about their occupation.  And then they would rinse off and spend hours in the pool- diving down deep to retrieve coins on the bottom or trying to dunk each other- sometimes just floating on innertubes and looking up at the clouds and the trees overhead.

It now seems like a time of bliss. 

Not that life is unhappy now- only somehow- the magic has diminished. 

I remember my own childhood with the same hazy happiness- as a time of wonder and magical possibilities lying just around the corner.  All we had to do was go forward and there was adventure and friendship- parties that seemed to fall into place without much worry or hassle.

When Robin died, I lost my way.  I couldn’t seem to find the paths that led to joy- the lovely lanes of summer were closed to me- and I never did get back to the magical days I had once known and loved.

I became a grown-up.  And growing up came from deep sorrow and loss.

Because my playmate was gone- one of the last conversations we had was about we really weren’t done playing, yet.  That was our greatest excuse to our mother when she wanted us to come in at dusk-” Mommy!  We aren’t done playing yet!”

When it was time for bed- “We aren’t done playing yet!”

When she had jobs for us to do-“But we aren’t done playing yet!”

But when Robin died, the playing stopped.

I still plan parties and picnic and have teas.

Still have notebooks of  recipes-

just lost the magic.Heidi & Robin

Green and lovely

Ohio and Pennsylvania are so lush and beautiful!

It rained all the way through PA on our way back from the Eastern Shore of Virginia- but it was like a fairyland beyond the turn pike and the rain slicked windshield.  The mountains were covered with a light foggy mist, the grass and trees so green and the farmland so rich- the cows looked like a convention of wealthy landowners contemplating their riches. 

And coming into Ohio, right before dusk, the light was just beginning to fail, the sky was grey and forbidding with dark rain clouds, but everything was an emerald green.  And the color was not an adjective but an attribute- essentially green- intrinsically green- green from the core. 

I missed it.

We had a couple of CDs of hymns that we sang along with all the way home.  There is such beauty and power and praise in those old hymns.

I like the choruses and praise songs, but singing hymns is like reciting the Psalms- beauty of words and music, all mixed up with the description of the Godhead and the praise due to our LORD by men.

So- it was a long drive, we were pulling a trailer that was a little scary around the curves and hills of western Maryland and PA, it was rainy, windy and cold- but God was good and granted us many travel mercies.  And I like to sing and discuss theology with Frank without interruption.  We travel well, together, and that is a wonderful thing to acknowledge almost 35 years into the marriage!

No pictures- just word pictures and memories- but I’ll put up some memorable food pictures from our week at the Sailors Rest later.  I love the 6 burner gas range I can cook on there.  As our friend Eric said, “Now you’re cooking with gas!”

(My mother used to use that expression- I hadn’t heard it in such a long time- can anyone identify WHERE that expression came from? )

Psalm 100- giving thanks, offering praise- recognizing what’s what and who’s WHO

Psalm 100
A psalm. For giving thanks.

1 Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.

2 Worship the LORD with gladness;
       come before him with joyful songs.

3 Know that the LORD is God.
       It is he who made us, and we are his;
       we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving
       and his courts with praise;
       give thanks to him and praise his name.

5 For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
       his faithfulness continues through all generations.

This morning I wanted to sit quietly and give thankful acknowledgement to the Lord for his goodness and love.

Somehow that doesn’t line up with the SHOUT instruction or the joyful songs, but I’m too tired to shout. 

This psalm has been a favorite for many years.

I learned it in sign language when I was a guide for Pioneer Girls Club, and we sang it every week for several years.

This was one of the songs I sang to Jordan at bedtime when he was a little boy.

I have made many stamped and embossed copies of it for Thanksgiving over the years- handing them out , using them to decorate the table.

It is such a DO’ing sort of psalm- with stage directions and everything-SHOUT,WORSHIP,KNOW,ENTER.  It directs us to get moving- to do something- to get active with our worship and our understanding.

It has the feel of an exercise instructor- “c’mon, you can do it, 1,2,3,4….keep it up 2,2,3,4”.

I WANT to Lord- I really do- my body is tired, but my soul is shouting- I’m shouting on the inside- I’m humming “Shout to the LORD”-

It’s coming- building up to a crescendo!

Psalm 100
A Thanksgiving Psalm

1-2 On your feet now—applaud God! Bring a gift of laughter,
      sing yourselves into his presence.
3 Know this: God is God, and God, God.
      He made us; we didn’t make him.
      We’re his people, his well-tended sheep.
4 Enter with the password: “Thank you!”
      Make yourselves at home, talking praise.
      Thank him. Worship him.
5 For God is sheer beauty,
      all-generous in love,
      loyal always and ever.

Here’s a strange little story…

Chincoteague May-day2 016 I walked again today.  I made it about a mile in 30 minutes of interrupted walking.

This is a BIG deal, because I haven’t been walking in a long time and have very little stamina anymore.   I ride a stationary bike for about 15 minutes a day- and do a little stretching yoga- so really I’m out of shape.

But…( here’s the strange part)  I’m knitting a sock.  Yes, that is singular- I plan on knitting another one, but not to match the first.  Or for that matter am I knitting a pair to go with the second.  The third pair I knit will be a twosome. 

Knitting socks has always been on my wish list.  Something I’d like to be able to do with some proficiency- like making bread- writing- speaking publicly.

However, I have GREAT difficulty understanding and following patterns.  So I joined a knitting group that meets in Copley, my home town, and we are all knitting together.  They are ALL better than I am at knitting socks.  Theirs all look like socks that someone could actually wear.  One of the ladies, Jane , took one look at my sock and laughed.  She asked if I was knitting it for big foot.

Chincoteague May-day2 018

I said it would have to be for Big FEE T- I can’t help it- I have hobbit feet.  They are wide and sturdy and right now I have gout in the right one- so – yes- big foot.

Anyway, we got to talking and getting to know each other when said that she wanted to start walking and wondered if any of us would walk with her a couple of days a week.  It grew very quiet in that room full of ladies.

Then we started talking about  other subjects and kept on knitting.

Jane looked across the table at me and asked if I lived in Copley. 

It turns out she lives down the road from me and she was determined that I would be her walking partner.  I hedged and hemmed and hawed and shook my head looking very discouraging and said that I hadn’t walked for a while and didn’t think I was the right person for her.  She said we could start out slow.

She gave me her phone number, I gave her mine, we set up a tentative schedule-

AND then she looked me full in the face and said, ” I’m sent from heaven to get you walking.  You’ll see, this will be good for us both.”

Did I mention Jane’s last name?  It’s Snow- as in the former food editor of the Akron Beacon Journal? 

So here I am- trying to get into some kind of walking stamina while working on this house in Virginia.  Frank keeps giving me MORE jobs, on top of those I had already planned to do- I’m sore- I’m tired- and I’m trying to walk a little every day. 

And all because HEAVEN sent Jane Snow to get me walking.

By the way, the reason these socks are so big is because I’m using super large yarn to make Cottage socks.  I bought the yarn because it had this picture on the skeins.

Chincoteague May-day2 020

While walking today, I came upon a directive in the sidewalk-

Chincoteague May-day3 011 So go ahead-Laugh!

Cake pops- pictures and a recipe?

cakepops, marbled rye and more yum 025 Have I  already done cake pops on here?

If so, sorry, I’m doing a quick version again.

These are supposed to look like daisies on a green background.

I wasn’t working with a good icing tip so they went a little crazy- but OH! are they good!

cakepops, marbled rye and more yum 017 cakepops, marbled rye and more yum 016 cakepops, marbled rye and more yum 013

You bake a cake.  Crumble it up. Add a can of icing and stir it up.  Make the wet mixture you have after it has been all worked together into balls.  Freeze them.

Then dip the balls into chocolate.  You can make a base(like I did here)  or you can use sucker sticks and stick the bottom of the stick in styrofoam to let the pops dry rounded on top.  I used a base of milk chocolate and dipped them into tinted white chocolate.  Then decorate  and eat!

cakepops, marbled rye and more yum 011 cakepops, marbled rye and more yum 022 cakepops, marbled rye and more yum 026

I took some to a knitting class today and the ladies LOVED them.

AND now I’m knitting socks.

cakepops, and knitted socks 003

Knitting socks AND eating cake pops and strawberries, with a cuppa!

cakepops, and knitted socks 001 cakepops, and knitted socks 004

Weekend Fun! + a recipe

train and birthday treats 023

Saturday was Meredith and Aidan’s birthday! 

And we celebrated with a train ride and lunch at the Winking Lizard in Peninsula!

Allyson’s Aiden has a birthday in May- so we enjoyed the train experience with both boys for their birthdays! 

train and birthday treats 013

They had such a good time- both on the train and playing on the tracks-

train and birthday treats 014  train and birthday treats 015 train and birthday treats 012

and climbing on the rocks and checking out the view of the river.train and birthday treats 027 train and birthday treats 028 train and birthday treats 032

Then, after a ride back to Akron, and a car ride home to Copley, we had cake!

train and birthday treats 034 Actually a yummy torte.

Belgian Apricot Torte.

It is kind of crumbly- but so great with tea and low in sugar that we loved it!

Here’s the recipe:

3/4 cup soft butter

1/4 cup superfine sugar

1 1/2 TBSP oil

1/2 tsp vanilla

1 egg, beaten

3 cups flour ( all purpose or pastry- I used pastry)

1 1/2tsp baking powder

grated rind of lemon

grated rind of orange

1/2 cup finely chopped dried apricots

1/2 cup apricot jam

confectioner’s sugar for dredging

 

Line a 8 inch pan with baking parchment.

Beat the butter, sugar, oil  and vanilla until fluffy, then add egg and beat well.

Sift the flour with the baking powder, and gradually work into the creamed mixture along with the grated rinds.

Knead together as for a shortbread dough.  Divide in half, and coarsely grate one portion into the pan so that it covers the bottom evenly.

Beat the jam and apricots together and spread the mixture evenly over the dough- taking it right to the edges.

Grate the remaining dough evenly over the apricot layer and  bake in a preheated oven at 300 degrees F for about 1- 1 1/4 hours, or until lightly browned and just firm.  Remove from the oven and set aside until cold

Remove the torte from the pan and strip off the paper. 

Dredge heavily with sifted confectioner’s sugar.

train and birthday treats 033

I was going to take a picture of the whole round- but we ate it before I could get my camera out.  This is so easy to make- easy for kids to eat and just delicious.