Sorry- I haven’t been here lately. I’m only here for a few minutes, now.
I have sciatica and my leg is aching something fierce!
I can’t sit for very long without great pain.
So I’ve been taking a quick look at facebook and my favorite blogs, but can’t manage to
comment.
I haven’t fallen off of my corner of the world- I’m just searching for
a comfortable position on the couch.
Camera-
You sometimes get close-ups of their shoes. Or-
sometimes fuzzy self portraits. 🙂
When you give a child a…
Bottle-
You can get a lot of fun!
And when you give a child a…
whole lot of love and attention-
You get a whole lot back!!!
As for me…
I’m going to keep on giving!
I’m thinking over the last week of celebration –
the food, the gifts, the family time.
I loved spending time with my family.
With the large extended family as well as our own little branch.
But looking at the pictures- the one that I want to share-
the moment I love remembering is this one- with the babies.
Here we are.
Still happy and smiling.
We’ve been holding babies-
telling stories and sharing a feast-
reading and watching football together-
And, of course-
eating-
COOKIES!!!!!
I love holidays!
–
update-
just added this last picture because I loved what Jordan did to decorate his cookie! He made a St. Patrick cookie- and then- He ate it!
Cookie art is not the saving kind, but the savoring kind!
I forgot my cord for uploading pictures onto the computer.
I keep forgetting to take pictures, anyway.
We gave Kieran his first bath today.
We went to Whole Foods to do some shopping.
And we went to Aidan’s music class and danced and sang and beat rhythm sticks on the floor and laughed and laughed!
I’m having a wonderful time playing with Willow and the grandchildren.
And I realized tonight as I was telling Aidan my version of “The Elephant’s Child”, that we depend too much on pictures today.
His eyes got so big when I told him about the many spankings the poor Elephant’s child got for asking his questions. He giggled when I told him about the child pulling bananas from the trees as he walked down to the river- and when I told about him creeping up – closer and closer to the “greasy grey-green Limpopo River” to ask the crocodiles what they like to eat- Aidan clapped his hands in anticipation. If you have never read this story by Rudyard Kipling, I don’t want to ruin the surprise for you- and if you have then you know what the crocodile’s answer was!
I told the story from memory- I missed some parts and embellished others, but it is a masterful story from a masterful writer and it held his attention better than any of the books I have read him lately.
So- no pictures, today- I’ll just tell you the storiess.
How Aidan covered my left arm with stickers until I looked diseased.
How Kieran has the sweetest little bow of a mouth that he opens and shuts like a little birdie. When I hold him, I aim him away from my chest- no milk there, little one!
About the marvelous meals Willow makes- Roasted chicken with za`tar and green olives and escalloped potatoes – Baked eggplant and pasta with garlic and tomato sauce-apple and carrot bread- I could go on and on!
The sweetness of Aidan’s face when he saw my Hawaii’an print shirt and told me I was beautiful with those big blue and white flowers.
The lovely bells ringing in the hours from the towers of Trinity Seminary- just across the street.
The happiness that surrounds Aidan when he sees that I am here, still, in the morning as promised.
If you need a picture- look at the one of me next to the header- smiling.
Because that’s what I’m doing.
SMILING!
I’m expecting a new grandson, soon.
That means Willow is expecting and ripe with this baby.
This morning – in anticipation of the event- I walked around the yard- praying for them. The baby, Willow, Luke and Aidan. Praying for safety and timing, for wisdom and strength, for health and endurance, for joyous beginnings. Just praying. And as I walked and prayed, I picked a branch here, a spray there, a pinch, a pull, and suddenly- a BOUQUET was in my hands.
It was built on the wings of prayer- the pine for the mountains Willow was raised in, the eucalyptus for its fresh enduring fragrance, parsley- that’s for perseverance, sage for wisdom, rosemary for remembrance, bittersweet for the pain and the joy to follow, lavender for the sweetness, and lemongrass for the freshness of spirit.
I didn’t plan what to pick- this is what I had available in my garden today- but it is all appropriate for a new mother and baby. I brought it inside and wrapped it together with a ribbon and added a bow- a prayer bouquet.
Of course, I am also prepared with baby and little boy toys-
Flowers are fine- but the way to Aidan’s heart may just run along a Thomas the train railway track!
The smell of eucalyptus in my living room!
Knitted pumpkin tea cozies!
Clam chowder on a coolish evening.
Easter lilies blooming in the fall.
Turkeys made from pressed leaves.
More knitted tea cozies!
Stevia finally blooming!
And all of you, my friends!
I love to hear from you- and know that we are touching each others lives in ways that make us better- in small ways that make us stronger- in joyous ways that make the world smaller and easier to deal with each day.
I loved watching the cheering worldwide when the Chilean miners came up from their long immurement. We need to cheer each other on and celebrate those things that are joyous.
Thank you for cheering me on!
(1)The smell of the woods in the Autumn.
After chatting with a friend this weekend about all the small blessings in my life and the way they add up to make a life full of blessing, I decided to take note of some of the small blessings in my life.
(2) Blue skies and (3) tufted grasses.
That’s enough for now- I’ll be adding more later.
I have had a very strong streak of melancholy all of my life.
And mild depression from late childhood on- I would write and read to self medicate, looking for a release or an escape. Then, after a while, the burden would lift and I could come back to and go on about the business of living.
I pray and read the Bible. I meditate upon the joy of the Lord- I seek out ways to validate my existence and try to surround myself with those “whatsoever” things in Philippians 4:8- searching for the true, noble, right, pure , lovely,admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy things to think about.
(And discover that I just don’t fit into any of those categories)
It has been a tough week.
Depression is not only ugly- it is a magnifier of ugliness. Seen through its filter, EVERYTHING is ugly. Especially, me.
I can’t look in a mirror. Can’t look at photographs, can barely look at my hands without being repulsed. Everything I accomplish seems to be mired in the filthy lies of ugliness- and while I reach out for beauty- it become besmirched by my touch.
I once took a class on dealing with the fatigue that comes with cancer and other debilitating diseases, and they described the daily battle as so huge, that to a patient looking at a flight of stairs, the thought of making it to the top is akin to scaling a mountain. That is where I have been- from where I am struggling to emerge.
Phone calls are so difficult that I let the phone ring.
Visits are a huge endeavor.
Getting dressed and washing my hair is a goal I hope to reach by 4 PM.
Making dinner is an all day task.
I haven’t given up. I am fighting with all my strength – and trusting in God when my strength fails. But the battle is in all realms- physical, emotional, spiritual, and relational. I am functioning- but not well.
I have no recipe- no picture – no anecdote- no answer.
What I have is hope.
This shall pass.
“All shall be well and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well” Julian of Norwich
” Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all your ways and He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5,6
Scarlett: I can’t think about that right now. If I do, I’ll go crazy. I’ll think about that tomorrow. from Gone With The Wind
( I apologize if this gets you down. I meant to open a window to get in some fresh air and offer a glimpse into the well of depression. PLEASE do not respond by suggesting I go to a doctor for drugs- I don’t deal well with doctors OR drugs. I promise I won’t write about this again, but it is part of who I am- and I am a big believer in the truth of vulnerability.)
