I went to a birthday party for my friend Mary Jo, today.

I wasn’t going to go.

I have social inhibitions and driving phobias.

Mostly I stay in comfortable and close proximity to my home.

Usually, I am driven, rather than driving.

Normally,  I would have come up with an excuse and stayed home.

But – I’ve been pondering on this all week, crafting good excuses, feigning illness, pretending I couldn’t afford it- and it finally came down to today .

And I kept hearing Robin’s voice in the back of my head.   Giving me advice.  Actually, giving me direction.

“Go!”

And then a dry low chuckle, ” Just go.  Mary Jo is your friend.  You should go and enjoy yourself.  What kind of a friend are you that you don’t want to go?  JUST GO!”

So I went.

All the way there, I kept talking to her.

Whining, actually.

“I hate driving.  And it’s raining.  I love Mary Jo, but she wouldn’t have really missed me.  I could have baked her some bread and made her a card and taken it over to her house and that would have been fine.  I don’t like to do lunches. Well, I like lunches.  I just don’t like lunches with lots of people there.

And if this is such a good idea why didn’t you stick around and do it yourself?”

OK- I recognize that this is not rational.

But it is real.

Tomorrow will be the 12th anniversary of  the day Robin died and I’m still talking to her and taking her advice.

Because I did go, and I DID enjoy myself.  And I think I am a real friend.

Just a little crazy.